Beyond BFF’s


Girls today seem to be searching for that one, magical, “perfect” best friend forever (BFF). They have an ideal vision of what this girl will be like and they expect to find one single person who will meet all of their needs all of the time (this is a tall order). However, this is unrealistic and, almost always, seems to lead to disappointment and despair. I think that girls today would be better off expanding their vision of this one “perfect” friend to include a variety of friends – a circle of friends – of all ages, all interests, and from a variety of social groups. Girls with wider social circles seem to benefit from the diversity. Besides, no one person can fulfill all of our needs, nor should we expect to necessarily be friends with someone “forever”. Friendship can be diverse and also fluid. I believe that healthy friendships that include many different kinds of friends are much more advantageous than the search for the ultimate BFF!

How to teach girls about friendship and thinking beyond BFF’s:

  • BFF’s are trendy but they may be setting girls up for relational drama – searching for that one BFF may be giving girls a false idea of true, authentic friendship
  • Instead, teach girls the value of a diversity of friendships (all shapes and sizes!)
  • Also, encourage girls to make a variety of circles of friends
  • Teach girls that friends come and go and that one “perfect” best friend that lasts forever may be unrealistic
  • Help girls to communicate directly to other girls – never gossiping or creating drama
  • Teach girls to work through conflict (as difficult and uncomfortable as this can be), not run away or avoid conflict
  • Talk to girls about how to fight fair and to really listen to their friends’ experiences
  • Explore with girls to appreciate and celebrate the friendships they have

Excerpt from Raising Bold New Girls (Lindsay Sealey, 2015)